One time when I was in college I went to the dollar store with one of my friends. As we were getting out of the car this hobo walked up, pointed his fingers at us like he was shooting us with guns, and said, "If you give me a dollar, I'll punch a hooker." So naturally we decided to give him a dollar. He took it and started to amble away happily. After walking a few feet he turned and hurried back to us. He started to unwrap something from his jacket and after a fashion he pulled out some candy. He gave it to us and promised it would be delicious. This confused me because I figured the candy probably cost more than a dollar and so somehow we had benefited more from the transaction than him. So my friend and I contemplated what to do with the candy. It was still sealed in its cushy air-filled wrapper so we figured there was a good chance it would be safe. Just to be sure we had his older brother try a piece first and waited a good half hour, just like for swimming, to see if there were any side effects. Once convinced we chowed down on some of the most delicious candy I have ever eaten!
Fast forward to today. Today I saw a hobo in a wheelchair selling BlowPops for an unspecified amount. Since he had my favorite flavor, chocolate, my ninja gave the okay to buy one. Then the unexpected happened! He reached into his magic bag of candy deliciousness and pulled out a second chocolate BlowPop!!! I was amazed at this great 2 for 1 deal and walked away happy with my purchase once again. Then Ninja and I each ate the most delicious BlowPops in the world as we perused the Disney store at the Aurora mall. The only thing that could have made it any better would have been if I had a balloon.
So you may be thinking a few things at the moment. Is she joking? No, I really enjoy hobo candy. Is she currently high from some substance on said candy? No, I assure you that nothing about pharmacokinetics has become any more interesting or psychedelic since I ate it. What is wrong with her? Nothing, I just so happen to know the world's best kept secret.... hobo's have the best candy for the best prices. So next time you feel like taking a walk on the delicious side buy some candy from a hobo, or at the very least give him a dollar so he can punch a hooker!
Not much else has happened that is very exciting. Ninja started his new job at the hospital where he worked 20 hours his first day and wrestled a naked man. I'm just glad he went back and gave it another try. Or maybe he liked it. I didn't really want to ask for details. But he really does seem to enjoy it quite a bit which is nice. He also got exposed to bed bugs and MRSA which was an adventure. I haven't had any changes in my skin tone or itch level though so I think we're good. I suppose I can't complain though because I was around all sorts of things at the detox clinic. Actually I'm just jealous he gets to spend more time in the emergency department than me. Not fair. OH! I did get to draw blood for the first time this week. I am proud to say I did not miss the vein and relieved to say that my partner did not miss my vein either. I also would like to mention that pushing needles through skin and vein walls was surprisingly easy. So in the future if you ever want to get poked with sharp objects I am the person to call.
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