I Should Be In Charge

This month, aside from deciding that I have an interesting life, I have also decided I have all the answers.  I know that it is a very new-18-year-old-self-absorbed sort of thing to say, but I have all the answers to life, the universe, and everything.  All of this comes from the fact that my entire world seems to be coming apart at the seams.  I know what you're thinking, "How can you say you have all the answers AND that your life is falling apart?"  Well, I am not the one who pulled it all apart.  So I have decided I have all the answers because if I had been in charge of all the random things going on they would have gone on better and I would not be in this big old mess now.  But I am in this mess so I just have to suck it up and move on.  Luckily for everyone else in the world the bigger of a mess I get into, the more interesting stories I should begin to have.  Or I'll at least have a psychotic break or two and then I'll have interesting things to write.  No I will not be sharing what exactly has gone horribly wrong, but it has nothing to do with my adorable Ninja.

Today I have decided to share my quick-fixes and ideas about several on-going problems in the world.  First on the list: abortion.  I say go ahead and legalize it with one VERY IMPORTANT stipulation.  If you have an abortion you also have a hysterectomy in the same procedure.  I believe this would cause many people to think MUCH harder about their decision.  I don't care if you agree with me.  Half the time I don't agree with me.  I just want to see a politician run with this on their agenda.  I feel we will never fully allow or abolish it so why not get creative.  Second on the list: drugs.  Legalize them.  ALL of them (Frank).  Then watch the cartels fall to the wayside so I can finally go to Mexico and not have to pretend I am in end-stage liver failure to prevent my beautiful organs from getting harvested.  People are going to find them and do them regardless of our policies so I think we should just give it to them, but now in a form that can be over-taxed for much needed revenue.  And stress-free Mexico vacations are the icing on the cake.  Third on my list: company bankruptcy.  Unless everyone working for the company is living in a cardboard box it shouldn't happen.  I have (-$110,000) and I am going strong.  Fourth on my list: speeding tickets.  They are not really keeping us all safe on the roads.  I would rather be on the road with someone who can perfectly control a car at 100mph than the person who hits parked cars going 5mph.  Just saying.  Let's take the license away from anyone who hits a parked car because obviously they have NO control over a car and are the true danger on the roads.  Fifth on my list: swearing.  I like to do it, sooooooo....... it isn't bad and people should stop complaining about it.  Besides, calling someone a f***tard has no real meaning or definition and should therefore not offend at all unlike poop-eater.  That has a very specific and negative meaning that should offend people, but I bet you were more offended at my superbly censored f***tard.  Just stop caring.  Stupid poop-eaters.  Sixth on my list: political correctness.  There isn't enough time in the world to explain.  Isn't it more racist and politically incorrect to assume that everyone with a certain skin color is from, oh I don't know, Africa?  Why can't they just be Americans who are black?  And what about the white South Africans?  Think of a man with fair skin and a British accent.  He could be African American (because he was raised in South Africa), but you would never refer to him as that if you were describing him to your friend.  I say, let's just describe people in a fair way.  Black people are black and the British are British and they aren't all trying to become Americans so don't tack that onto the second half of their ethnicity.  Seventh on my list: gas prices.  Let's abolish Nascar.  I don't care if that offends you because I have good reasons.  Those cars take up lots of gas and the races are unnaturally long, then we put them in huge trucks to be transported across the country just so we can waste as much gas as possible.  If we abolished that, demand for gas would be halved and the suppliers would have to drop their prices.  Yeah, I studied economics once.  Eighth/ninth on my list: obesity and clean energy.  Let's just hook up stationary bikes to the power grid.  The more you go in and pedal, the more credits you get.  This would encourage anyone who needs to save money (so all but the rich who just hire personal trainers and have in-house gyms complete with pools) to go exercise.  Tenth, and last, on my list: porn.  Only let ugly people make it.  Then they can feel beautiful and young men would never get addicted to it because their wives would be hotter than the women in the videos.  And the beautiful people could stop being poop-eaters and have to go find a real job!

This concludes the first part of my argument for why I should be in charge of everything.  If you don't believe in me then feel free to contact me with an issue you think I can't solve better than everyone else.  I am always up for a challenge.  (And anyone who caught my Father Goose reference is super awesome cool!)

The Story

I've decided my life is interesting.  And I am writing a story.  This story is about Ninja and in it he is a ninja.  It is, in fact, going to be my true life story (only a teeeny tiiiiiny bit embellished).  Well, my true honest story between me and Ninja.  I promise to leave most of the important parts alone and only put in real quotes that are for real things that were said.  It's going to be the best story ever.  It has ninjas in it.  Anyway, I have nothing to do all summer while I am out of school and I keep getting bored.  Ninja also works a lot and I stay home and watch Teen Mom to reinforce my distaste for the thought of motherhood.  I feel that writing a story is a much better waste of my time.  Initially the story started off as a bedtime story that I was going to read to Ninja as a special treat one night before bed, but then I remembered that he falls asleep in 0.1seconds flat and any story longer than that would not be good.  So now my story is an epic tale about a man trying to get home to his wife after the war even though he has to best a cyclops, sirens, and his own vice to reach her.  This story might get super way unnaturally longer if I decide to include my life before Ninja in it.  No I will not be putting my story up here for everyone to read for free.  Well, not until after I get done with it.  And I want to get paid by the word.  Give me what I want because I want it.

Hooker Doctor

Medical school is not so bad, but somewhere between having two blocks at once and then beginning our first systems block I lost the time to do anything besides class and sleeping.  Well, there was some eating in there and then I had to concentrate all of my relaxing into half the normal time.  Things are winding down though, and in a mere 3 weeks I will no longer be a first year medical student.  I will be an infinitely wiser second year student who has figured out the most effective way to study so as to have maximal do-whatever-I-want time.  I also think I should try to write a lot more because it was brought to my attention that there are several medical students out there with blogs that are much more famous than mine.  And it made me ask myself, why not me?  I then decided it may have to do something with the fact that I am not type-A and I don't write enough about studying to be relevant to other students or hopefuls wanting to know what life is really like as a medical student.  I say, everyone should be reading my blog to see what life could be like if you stay laid back in the midst of learning more than anyone ever should in minimal amounts of time.  Or it could have something to do with the sporadic nature of my entries.  Whatever, I should be famous on the internet for being awesome.

So I want to tell everyone a secret.  I failed an exam.  I know.  It's okay though because I rocked the next two and now am easily passing.  What happened is a lot of not awesome things and then blood coming out of where it should not have been and then I missed 30 hours of lecture (out of the 36 covered on the exam) and I only missed passing by two questions.  So I was really impressed with myself.  But then again, I am easily impressed.  Especially by myself because I want to like me so I cut myself a lot of slack I may not give to others.  Then I had to work double hard to get totally caught up and now I have rocked the two most recent exams and am easily passing my classes.  I only shared that story because it is my albatross.  I feel so free now.  I also plan to use it as an excuse for not writing because I was too busy trying to not have issues and then too busy catching up.  But now the year is winding down and I would have to get below a 50% on the final to fail and do better than perfect to honor, so I am just relaxing and learning about kidneys against my will.  I have actually decided I have learned most things against my will.  It really isn't fair to me.

One of the things I have done, now that I am relaxing until summer, is sign up to help write a skit for the orientation video for next year's class.  The skit is called "Hooker Doctor" and it is very close to whatever you are thinking at the moment.  I didn't come up with the idea, my brother did.  And my husband wrote a rough screen play and the actors improved as much as possible.  I guess that means I didn't write a skit at all, but I am still getting a lot of kudos for my almost non-existent contribution.  So anyway, the filming ended with five of us on Colfax, one dressed as a hooker trying to pick up random men as they walked by.  As much as I would like to not explain further I feel it is probably warranted.  The skit is to help answer the question, "How do you plan to pay off loans?"  There are a few clips of students seriously answering the question and then the last one fades into our skit.  It opens with her on the side of the road dressed as a hooker and she picks up a man (one of our classmates, not her "pimp" that we found).  She gets in the car and they drive off to an apartment where she leads him down the hallway to a door.  She ties the gown over his eyes and leads him into a doctors office.  She leaves him to put on a gown and he waits the customary 20 minutes for her to walk in as a doctor.  She then performs a full physical and charges him $500 dollars.  I am unclear on how she can get away with $500 for a basic physical, but I need to figure that out soon because I think those rates could help me finally afford a trip to Disneyland.  Which reminds me; we were babysitting and took the kids bowling and the six year old as we walked out and next to three people smoking stated, "It smells like Disney out here."  Maybe I don't want to go there....  Back to the skit, the classmates we got to star in it had no identifiable shame, which only made it better.  I would continue to explain, but you'll have to see it to know the true hilarity and I don't want my rating upped to PG-13 in case there is ever a Doogie Howser reading my blog.  Yes, I plan to continue with my delusion that I will someday be famous for my medical blog.  So anyway, our hooker doctor was a bit of a method actress and spent her time walking the Colfax strip giving her rates to random men and strutting while beckoning to cars.  The man who came up to talk to us initially wanted to just watch us film, but then decided he would like to be in our skit.  So we now have footage of a random man screaming, "Where's my money?!!" and our hooker doctor screaming back at him.  All in all it was the most amazing and hilarious day of my medical career so far.

Other than parading around a seedy area with a classmate dressed as a hooker I haven't done too much.  I was on four soccer teams for most of the Spring, but one season just ended so I am sadly down to three.  This past weekend I house/babysat for a friend.  They have two children, one previously mentioned as claiming Disney smells like second hand smoke and a ten year old who is amazing at soccer.  Over the weekend I never got a chance to even glance at anything school related and they forced me to get 120 stars for them on Mario Galaxy so they could play as Luigi.  I would complain, but if I had a totally free weekend  at home with nothing to study and no kids to babysit I would have probably done the same thing anyway.  I just love me some Mario.  I would consider giving up my career in medicine if Nintendo contacted me and offered me a job as one of their game testers.  But with the semester winding down and all of this fun filming skits, it would be a hard decision.

Ultimate Would You Rather

I remember way back at the end of Christmas break and the beginning of the new semester I was SO excited because they cancelled the first Monday of classes and we had an extra day off.  This week has made me grow to hate that day off.  We had two midterms this week, one on Monday and the other Thursday.  At the moment I think I have slept somewhere around 16 hours out of the last 96.  We initially would have had the fist exam last Friday, but our missed Monday pushed it back into the same week as our other exam.  So now here I am sleep deprived.  I should be exhausted, miserable, dying to sleep, and hardly able to keep my eyes open.  Instead I am not tired in the least.  In fact, we had class right after the exam and I didn't even yawn once!  I think I have evolved into a higher state of being.  I no longer need more than 1 or 2 hours of sleep per day and I don't need outside stimulants.  I completed this entire day without any coffee or caffeine in any form.  And just now I finished working out for an hour because I was too restless to sleep.  I still don't feel sleepy though.  I wonder if this is just part of the transition into being a doctor.  I now feel as healthy and happy with no sleep as I ever did with proper amounts of sleep.  I can't attest to my mental faculties under these circumstances until the test results come back, but I may be ready for the next few years of medical school.

Our exams this week covered bacteriology, pharmacology, hematology, and immunology.  I would just like to say that there are about a million ways to end up with anemia and in general I would say it is unpleasant, but there were a few I thought may be fun to have.  The first is G-6-PD deficiency.  This enzyme when it is functioning properly helps your red cells take care of those dangerous reactive oxygen species.  You know, the super evil molecules that super healthy anti-oxidants protect you from.  So when there is no functioning G-6-PD then your red cells break apart and release their innards into your blood.  The point here is that certain foods are high in oxidants, like fava beans, and if you have G-6-PD deficiency and you eat them you have purple urine for a while.  How super awesome cool is that??  I would totally eat a ton of fava beans before any drug tests I took and then have fun getting called about it later.  Could you imagine how much that would freak out a lab tech?  And for boys, you could write your name in the snow in a distinct color.  You could pull pranks on people when you went to their house by running out of the bathroom screaming so when they went to look they would get freaked out.  There are just so many things you could do with this.  I will leave your imagination up to it.  Then there is methemoglobinemia.  With this you have chocolate colored blood.  I would also like to mess with lab techs and nurses by not taking my medication the day before I had any blood drawn.  This one is less fun than the first, but still great.  It also puts some merit into all of the old black and white films where they used chocolate syrup for blood.  If you imagined all of those actors had methemoglobinemia than it would be perfectly accurate.  I would like to point out here that when I was studying all of these anemias my brain got kind of tired and I kept saying chocolate "covered" blood.  That is not what they have.  That is less cool and could also be faked because anyone can get chocolate and put it on some blood.  Not everyone can change their blood to look like chocolate on its own.  I also wonder if people who faint at the sight of blood would faint at the sight of someone bleeding "chocolate" out of a wound.  This could have therapeutic value.  The other anemias are not quite so fun.  In fact, I would venture to say they are not fun at all.  I guess a few can give you resistance to malaria and others you have dark (but not purple) urine.  Overall, learning all the anemias and how to tell them apart is annoying to say the least.  And it really wouldn't be that fun to have unless you had one of the two types previously mentioned.

Monday was Ninja's birthday.  We went out to eat with some family and it was very nice.  What was not nice was the horrendous traffic which was made even worse due to the bad weather.  What would normally be less than a 30 minute drive was almost two hours long.  He started to get grumpy so I decided I need to play a game with him to keep him happily occupied.  First I tried "I Spy" and picked something white.  He was not particularly happy since it was snowing and he refused to play more than one round.  He claims that I couldn't distinguish each snowflake from the others and so he called unfair when I told him which specific snowflake on the windshield I had spied.  So I turned to the best car game ever played by me in a car: Would You Rather.  I found out quite a few things about my husband in the process.  He would rather have his feet tickled than give up white rice.  He would rather go blind than give up white rice.  He would rather murder everyone he ever met than give up white rice.  He would rather have a slightly racist wife who loves him than one who does not love him, but loves his "culture".  He would rather do anything than drive in the snow for hours.  He would rather start balding in his teens than lose his big toes.  He would rather eat boogers than drink pee.  There were a whole lot more.  And I really did learn quite a bit about him.  I have now officially decided that extended periods spent playing Would You Rather should be a requirement for couples before they get married.  There could be questions like, "Would you rather your spouse resent you forever or just clean the freaking bathroom once in a while?" or "Would you rather have children or have your wife get a small dog to love more than you?" or "Would you rather get thrown across a room into a couch at random or never get cooked cheese bread?" or "Would you rather be cold at night without covers or get hit in the face with stray elbows in the middle of the night because you have to sleep too close to share the comforter?" or "Would you rather be middle class and make more than your wife or feel less manly and live like a king on her CEO salary?"  Well, that last one was a little harsh, but you get the idea.  And now since I have found a therapy to help people overcome hating the sight of blood AND improved the pre-marital counselling process as well as taken two midterms this week I feel it is my right to get my not very much needed sleep.

The Break-up

The other day I had a sad sort of realization about myself.  My day started as usual with me refusing to get out of bed and then blaming Ninja when I had only 10 minutes left to shower, eat, get dressed, pack my bag, and walk to class.  Then I arrived in class around 8:30 (it starts at 8) and began to promptly highlight what I felt was pertinent in the provided notes.  Somewhere around 10:15 I noticed that I had, in fact, not looked up once to see what was going on and not heard or comprehended a single word that the lecturer had said.  It was at this point that I realized I really have no idea why I go to class at all.  I usually just am miserable getting up and then I read the lecture notes to myself during class and occasionally tune in to reassure myself the lecturer is still being boring and that I am learning just as much by reading the notes.  The only problem is that if I am really learning just as much from only looking over the notes I have no reason to be there at all since the notes for the whole block have already been handed out.  But there is a problem.  I feel horrible when I skip class for weeks on end and then I try to watch ALL 100+ hours on the internet in just a few days and I am extremely miserable.  I don't know why I can't just give up, but I keep convincing myself that one day I will finally catch something in class to help me pass a test that I could never get just from the notes and that I am not just wasting my time.  So here I am stuck.  I have no idea why I go to class when I pay no (and I mean zero) attention, but I can't not go because I paid for this education and I am bent on getting the most out of it.  Of course there are lecturers I really do like and I generally pay attention to them, but the majority pretty much read me the notes I already have like I am some sort of illiterate country girl who would never know what was going on without their kind assistance understanding those dang words put down on paper.  I have also noticed that when my coffee starts to wear off I begin to text people random things to stay awake.  Oddly enough, I pay pretty good attention to the lecture for the few minutes before their response comes in.  So I say, texting is good and it is helping me focus and learn at school.

In other news, we had to fill out a ton of evaluations for last semester.  I literally had about 25 pages of questions about lecturers I had back in August that I hardly remembered.  I was supposed to put down what was good about the lecture and what could be done to improve the lecture.  Lucky for me there were pictures of the people and so I could recognize their face and if I felt happy I knew they must have done well and if I felt nauseous I knew they did not do so well.  However, there were several people I only just barely felt a faint twinge of familiarity with and so I could hardly remember them, let alone which lecture they gave, let alone what I did and didn't like about that lecture.  Then it became a big game of appropriately vague statements.  Such as: "They knew what they were talking about and taught it in a way I could easily understand." or "Their slides had a great natural flow and I could follow along with the concepts easily."  or "I could tell they are passionate about their field and that passion helped me to be excited about the topic as well."  The only really big problem I had was putting things I didn't like and felt could be improved.  I didn't remember these lecturers and it hardly seemed fair for me to put them down for things they may or may not have done regardless of how vague I may have been.  It then became a much harder game for me to play.  Really the way I was reduced to writing about them was almost like writing multiple break-up letters to people I had met in a bar and gone to dinner once and then never seen again.  My statements were reduced to a slight, vague criticism followed by some from of the phrase, "It isn't you, it's me."  Here are a few of the key concepts I used: "You did awesome, I just don't find the history of how medical payments get collected interesting.  You had a great lecture, but I was just too tired to enjoy it because I stay up too late.  Don't feel bad, I'm sure someone out there loved your talks the best."  It was really sad.  And the thing is that I am not so great at writing break-up letters.  In fact, my husband wrote the break-up letters to the last two guys I dated before him because mine were too mean.  I recall ending one letter with the phrase, "You're like an STD.  I never wanted you to begin with and now I can't get rid of you."  I thought it was great and would convey my thoughts well, but Ninja told me it would crush the man's heart and so he never let me send it.  He just wrote a polite one that had none of my personal sentiments in it what-so-ever.  Probably the saddest part is that I was writing the letters in the first place because I kick people when they are down.  Pretty much once they started crying I would go for broke and just rub salt in the wounds any way I could.  So I thought I would save them from that by writing a letter instead.  The moral of the story is that I am glad I never have to break-up with anyone ever again.  Except I guess since I am married to Ninja he would be right here to help me out.  Maybe I'll make him help out next time I have to do evaluations.  He would have so much better things to say.  Sometimes I think he only married me because he was scared of what would happen if we ever broke up.  Aside from my own brother he alone knows the horrible things I had to say in my letters.  And I think it scared him more than a lifetime of my psychosis.

Hobo Candy Part 2

One time when I was in college I went to the dollar store with one of my friends.  As we were getting out of the car this hobo walked up, pointed his fingers at us like he was shooting us with guns, and said, "If you give me a dollar, I'll punch a hooker."  So naturally we decided to give him a dollar.  He took it and started to amble away happily.  After walking a few feet he turned and hurried back to us.  He started to unwrap something from his jacket and after a fashion he pulled out some candy.  He gave it to us and promised it would be delicious.  This confused me because I figured the candy probably cost more than a dollar and so somehow we had benefited more from the transaction than him.  So my friend and I contemplated what to do with the candy.  It was still sealed in its cushy air-filled wrapper so we figured there was a good chance it would be safe.  Just to be sure we had his older brother try a piece first and waited a good half hour, just like for swimming, to see if there were any side effects.  Once convinced we chowed down on some of the most delicious candy I have ever eaten!

Fast forward to today.  Today I saw a hobo in a wheelchair selling BlowPops for an unspecified amount.  Since he had my favorite flavor, chocolate, my ninja gave the okay to buy one.  Then the unexpected happened!  He reached into his magic bag of candy deliciousness and pulled out a second chocolate BlowPop!!!  I was amazed at this great 2 for 1 deal and walked away happy with my purchase once again.  Then Ninja and I each ate the most delicious BlowPops in the world as we perused the Disney store at the Aurora mall.  The only thing that could have made it any better would have been if I had a balloon.

So you may be thinking a few things at the moment.  Is she joking?  No, I really enjoy hobo candy.  Is she currently high from some substance on said candy?  No, I assure you that nothing about pharmacokinetics has become any more interesting or psychedelic since I ate it.  What is wrong with her?  Nothing, I just so happen to know the world's best kept secret.... hobo's have the best candy for the best prices.  So next time you feel like taking a walk on the delicious side buy some candy from a hobo, or at the very least give him a dollar so he can punch a hooker!

Not much else has happened that is very exciting.  Ninja started his new job at the hospital where he worked 20 hours his first day and wrestled a naked man.  I'm just glad he went back and gave it another try.  Or maybe he liked it.  I didn't really want to ask for details.  But he really does seem to enjoy it quite a bit which is nice.  He also got exposed to bed bugs and MRSA which was an adventure.  I haven't had any changes in my skin tone or itch level though so I think we're good.  I suppose I can't complain though because I was around all sorts of things at the detox clinic.  Actually I'm just jealous he gets to spend more time in the emergency department than me.  Not fair.  OH!  I did get to draw blood for the first time this week.  I am proud to say I did not miss the vein and relieved to say that my partner did not miss my vein either.  I also would like to mention that pushing needles through skin and vein walls was surprisingly easy.  So in the future if you ever want to get poked with sharp objects I am the person to call.

I only sing about things I like

I am really quite enjoying all of this time off.  So far I have eaten more than I should and watched old cartoons for entire days.  I would just like to say that Quick Draw McGraw is funny for an episode or two, but anything beyond an hour is painful!  I would also like to say that everyone should watch the Boomerang network because it has amazing things.  And everyone should get electronics at pawn shops.  So the sad story of the day is that I have nothing interesting to say because I'm not doing anything.  So I took a vote from my biggest fans (aka anyone within earshot at the moment) and they decided I can just rant about whatever and exaggerate my tales of shopping.  But my shopping trips have even been so uneventful that I really have nothing to say.  So now I am just left ranting about things I do or do not like.  Once I get back to living life I should also go back to having stories to tell.

I tried to watch the lunar eclipse the other night and I have to say I was very disappointed.  I went outside in the freezy frozen cold and sat in an icy ice chair and look up at the moon.  At first it started turning an odd sort of red.  Then after an hour of freezing it turned poo brown.  Yeah.  Poo brown.  Everyone else said it was a deep shade of red and I am just bad at distinguishing colors, but I know the truth.  They didn't want to feel stupid for sitting in the cold just to watch the moon turn poo brown.  But I don't mind feeling stupid.  In fact, I think medical school was designed to make everyone smart feel stupid and be okay with it.  So I am willing to admit I sat in the cold for hours just to watch the moon go from off-white to reddish to poo brown.  After I decided it wasn't going to black out for some ridiculous physics filled reason I went inside.  I think it had something to do with Colorado not being exactly lined up to get the full effect and sun rays being not perfect or something.  Anyway, it was poo brown and that's all I have to say about the moon.  But while I'm on the subject of poo brown I would like to just throw out a theory of mine.  I think people get ugly poo brown sheets because they poo themselves at night and it hides the stains.  Same reason people would buy poo brown underwear.  That's my two cents about it.

I enjoy making up JJ carols.  Really they are just Christmas carols with whichever words I choose replaced with JJ.  My personal favorite lately is The Twelve Days of JJ.  It goes something like this:

On the 12th day of JJ my JJ gave to me
12 JJs JJ
11 JJs JJ
10 JJs JJ
9 JJs JJ
8 JJs JJ
7 JJs JJ
6 JJs JJ
5 JJ rings!
4 JJ JJs
3 JJ JJs
2 JJ JJs
And a JJ in a pear tree!!

Don't worry I have plenty more.  Such as JJ Bells:

JJ bells!  JJ bells!  JJ all the way!  Oh what JJ it is to JJ in a JJ open sleigh!  OH!  JJ through the JJ in a JJ open sleigh.  JJ the hills we go!  JJ all the way!  Bells on JJ ring!  Making JJs bright!  What fun it is to JJ and sing a JJ song tonight!  OH!  JJ bells!  JJ bells!  JJ all the way!  Oh what JJ it is to JJ in a JJ open sleigh!!!!

And the all time classic JJ the red nosed JJ:

JJ the red nosed JJ had a very shiny JJ!  And if your ever JJed it, you would JJ say it JJs!  All of the other JJs used to JJ and call him JJs!  They never let poor JJ join in any JJ games!  Then one foggy JJ eve, JJ came to say, "JJ with your JJ so bright won't you JJ my sleigh tonight."  Then all the JJs loved him.  And the JJed out with glee.  JJ the red nosed JJ you'll go JJ in history!

Or Up on the JJ:

Up on the JJ, JJ paws.  Down comes good old JJ Claus!  Down through the JJ with lots of JJs all for the JJ ones JJ joys.  Ho JJ Ho!  JJ wouldn't go!  JJ Ho JJ!  JJ wouldn't go-o!  Up on the JJ, JJ paws.  Down through the JJ with good St. JJ!

Want more?  Too bad.  I don't want to type any more.  So if you really have a burning desire to know more JJ carols you can just leave a specific song request as a comment.  And if I'm feeling benevolent I'll think about writing it and singing it to JJ.  I swear he enjoys it and does NOT just sit there and roll his eyes at me.